The Ruins Run-Down With Coach (Everything Goes Back to Evan)

Alright we haven't had one of these in awhile so we welcome back Coach to the Corner.  For some discussion about Favre, Halloween, and the Ruins of course.  This will be long and I didn't feel like splitting it.

Coach: Chuck

Chuck: Coach

Coach:  How is Vikings land...are you ready to win Favre-ageddon this Sunday?

Chuck:  It’s good right now, I would say its 70-30 Packer fans up here we will run the streets though Sunday Night when the Pack wins (NOTE: This didn’t happen sadly, more to come on that later)

Coach:  You are on the front lines in the war on terror a lot of insurgents up in those parts

Chuck:  That I am, speaking of war on terror, I saw the trailer for 24 during the World Series

Coach:  So did I...I was in a bar and gave like 8 high fives, people thought I was excited about the Yankees

Chuck:  Haha, hell no all about jack

Coach:  Nope...I was excited about the return of god in January

Chuck:  So last night, I went to a party that a. I wasn't supposed to be at because I'm not in their organization, b. was a theme party of "CEO and Office Hoes, and I showed up in like a long-sleeve shirt, jeans... people are like why aren’t you dressed up? Simply put, "Well its Casual Friday at my office

Coach:  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Chuck:  Probably one of my finest moments this semester

Coach:  So classy....just like when in college I stole tucker max's costume idea and went to the Halloween party for soph-senior year with a red beauty pageant sash that simply just said gods gift

Chuck:  That's great, I honestly don't have an idea for this year and might just do that... I’m not lying either (Note to Coach’s dismay, I didn’t do it. Couldn’t find a sash and the fabric just didn’t work. I went as Capt. Mismatch it scored 3’s from the French judges.

Coach:  Well chuck...that would be epic and the honey bees just flock to you in that costume...it's like fishing with dynamite

Coach:  Well let’s get to the ruins

Chuck:  Yes sir

Coach:  First of all...I don’t even know where to start there was so much gold in these two episodes first ...the Tonya incident

Chuck:  Will we see Tonya on Intervention in a couple months?

Coach:  I think she is willing to make money in the role of crazy drunk / slut...so I give it a 60/40 odds, I mean Jesus Christ but looking at the fight

Chuck:  She just hit her with a vicious slap

Coach:  A few things stick out in my mind...first the slap was awesome

Chuck:  How did Veronica not have a boob escape from that dress?

Coach:  Well I was surprised by that...but what I loved is that they let them fight and then Wes dives in and couldn’t get it broken up

Chuck:  It was like on an African Safari just watching two lions going at it, nobody really cares, it took about three or four of the guys to break that shit up

Coach:  Well the highlight to me was Evan, I mean what a d bag, he's the one that starts the fight pretty much and then at the end he’s trying to play like priest / social worker

Chuck:  Yes he does light the fire for it and then tells Veronica to leave like he's Tonya BFF

Coach:  I really hate Evan...first of all when he and Johnny were in the bunk bed together discussing strategy that was all I needed to see

Chuck:  I think Evan had the quote of the year though next episode which we will get to later

Coach:  Oh yeah...yeah that was classic but I still think the guy is a putz

Chuck:  He just thinks he's the man

Coach:  Derrick also had a sweet quote about the Wes loss I will say this… I am not a huge Wes fan I like him on the challenges but he’s all an act what I do like though is that he can’t stay in character

Chuck:  I guess I can understand that and he really bitched out after Johanna said she would take that money away

Coach:  I mean one of the only people to ever lose with class on the challenge???

Chuck:  Yeah he really did, he admitted he lost and walked off

Coach:  It’s just to keep getting invited back I think he plays a game of how much shit can I talk to that people hate me

Chuck:  Well I appreciate it because I cannot stand Kenny, hate him worse than anyone on the show

Coach:  Yes Kenny is a total d bag

Coach:  But I really have to say that Evan really should take a swift kick in the gonads for his stunt on ibis

Chuck:  Yes but at the same time, can you blame him? If I am in Evan position, do I really pass up the opportunity to keep nailing Veronica? I don’t think I do

Coach:  I mean let’s look at the just debacle

Chuck:  The biggest voting crisis sine 2000

Coach:  Easily, I mean that was unbelievable, Evan who always is working the polls and setting things up...drops the ball

Chuck:  Syrus/Derrick/Darrell weren’t informed at all

Coach:  Well...can you really blame derrick

Chuck:  Derrick is so concussed from all the shit he's done, I really cant

Coach:  If he’s not in it you know he is knocking back oil cans of PBR, Heineken or whatever they get for free

Coach:  But I mean again I go back to hating Evan, he is the kind of guy that would ask you to be wing man...would see the other chick is hotter and then try to screw you over, I mean...the first time he votes for ibis????? It was his plan

Chuck:  Yes he is what we called up here in EC a snake. Just snakes around looking for his best option, not really telling people what he's really got on his mind

Chuck:  Another key subplot in all of this... Johnny Bananas, the other tool just goes "Fuck it, Ibis-Kimberly, he just completely lost it

Coach:  Again...a total moron

Coach:  That is why I think they need to come up with a challenge called like...playground or war games or something and have Johnny Kenny and Evan be captains and pick the teams on the fly

Chuck:  Do they vote them off or are there challenges to see who gets voted off? I think it would be awesome if Evan/Kenny/Johnny had to vote their players off themselves, so many people would try to get ahead in the game then

Coach:  I mean...you watch those 3 circle jerk each other all the time...and like I said in one of the most homoerotic moments ever when they were up in the bunk bed with the blankets pulled over talking about how in the end it had to be them together

Chuck:  Yeah they think they are the best generals in the game and when really they lost it mentally i.e. last week and then its all downhill

Coach:  Well...I mean you get down to it the challenges are the best and they talk like its all about money and winning and all that but in the end Evan votes Ibis in cause he likes veronica donk and tat-tas

Chuck:  I think in the coming weeks you see Darrell just coming in hot because honestly he is the most athletic guy out there

Coach:  Remember when Alton was on the show he was like the MJ of the challenges

Chuck:  Yes dominated everyone

Coach:  Darrell is not there but I think out of this group he has to be the big dog of it all

Chuck:  Agreed but he has never lost in the challenges

Coach:  Another thing really bothering me, the ruins themselves. I want more gladiator type stuff. I mean I think it’s rigged, they don’t even pick a card or spin a wheel or anything anymore with TJ, it’s just here we go

Chuck:  Yeah it’s getting very suspicious

Coach:  I mean if they do anything physically competitive Wes wins but not that over under with a rope isn’t challenge but its more a mental challenge / endurance test

Chuck:  Like last year I believe, it was when the gay guy went up against Wes or someone of that nature had a physical football like game and the guy got HIS ASS KICKED

Coach:  I know...those were the way things should be settled and: I think after stuff like that and ct going nuts they kind of realized someone could die in one of these and scaled back

Chuck:  Although we had a physical challenge this week finally and they need to get back to challenge that either involve barely any clothing or beating the shit out of each other

Coach: I liked it...listen make them beat the hell out of each other...other than the challenges they just drink and hang out...lets at least come out of there with a few war wounds. Don’t get me wrong they having a winning formula… drink a ton...cause drama...and then watching meatheads and sluts compete in challenges and I will probably watch until I am in the retirement home...then it will be pre-programmed Matlock or something

Coach:  Well...what about derricks line...this is why I give him the man of the week. First of all it was like he had the nuclear suitcase

Coach:  When he was asked to come in blind and vote and I mean he was so confused

Chuck:  Yes he looked like a lost dog

Coach:  Then his comment about Cohutta winning... “This was epic...if he wins this it will go down in challenge history"

Chuck:  Derrick believed that ESPN Classic has the film ready

Coach:  Like some day people will open up an US history book and be like...main remember on the ruins when Wes lost to Cohutta? Derrick = man of the week

Chuck:  Easily, also on Facebook I called it "Buster Douglas beating Tyson"

Coach:  I like it...I mean that was a huge upset… a huge upset

Chuck:  Oh yeah and it’s a somewhat even the playing field, now its 9 to 7

Coach:  Plus the real slap in the balls to Wes is that his girlfriend seemed sad...but not really

Chuck:  Yeah I said to my roommate how great it would be if she just bones Cohutta in the next couple of weeks… he just looks at me and goes we can only hope

Coach: I mean you remember last year when Kim lost and had to go home and Dunbar wouldn’t talk to anyone and cried

Chuck: Yes the roids obviously weren’t cycling

Coach:  That was emotion...and he had only made out with her a few times...and here's Wes losing and she’s just kind of like...I’m sad but oh well. I think the challenger team once they get rid of Casey is in a good position

Chuck:  Yeah Brad will beat most in challenges, same with Dunbar, they might just keep going to Cohutta

Coach:  Also...d-bag of the week is Benedict Arnold = Evan

Chuck:  Wes despite the great quote, he just sucks and I have done a complete 180 on Evan

Coach:  Well I think he’s the type of guy that I would legit hate in real life real cocky...talks shit...and like I said based on this website I read...total liar

Chuck:  Yeah I agree, I can’t seem to enjoy having a conversation with him about anything he would be like "Dude, most of the girls I have fooled around with blah blah blah."

Coach:  I am giving woman of the week to Kim, mainly because she is hot

Chuck:  Veronica comes in a close second for seeing her in that bikini which should be a requirement every week

Chuck:  Yes, I think Kim a girl I would bring home to Deb, nice southern accent, seems like she keeps her self together

Coach:  Might not want to mention this to Deb though...in the past challenge on one of the after shows she talks about how after she dated Dunbar he made her enjoy giving hummers, again...I love the after shows

Chuck: Well... we won’t go down that road, I really need to start watching them more often

Coach: My god, the after shows might be as good as the actual show

Chuck: I also have roommates who denounce it YET still watch with me and my other roommate every week

Coach:  You always get those types...the closet fan

Chuck:  I take that back, three of us are big fans, the rest act as if they don’t like it but every week they don’t complain about watching it, just maybe one or two words before it starts

Coach:  I have never met anyone that actually cannot sit down and enjoy and hour of the challenges

Chuck:  Doz fits that profile too he knows he likes it, just doesn’t want to conform

That’s all for this week, more to come next week.

The Ruins Run-Down With Coach Ep. 2 Part 1

These are the weekly talks I have with Coach, we made some STEEEVE calls earlier and now we are knee deep in the ruins.

Coach: anyways...The Ruins
Charlie: yes and i apologize for deleting it last week, i fucked up
Coach- that is okay...i thought you covered the majority of the convo
Charlie- me as well

Coach: this week...i have to admit a lot of swirling winds of controversy
Charlie: anyways, my roommate wanted Evie to stay just so her/Wes could raise complete hell. Your thoughts
Coach: first of all i thought that might be the weakest challenge i have ever seen... it was like going on a tire swing
Charlie: yes and the fact that Shauvon's fat ass couldnt even get to the fence is great

Coach: the best was danny is like ready to feed her fatness to the whales...and then all of a sudden she tries it twice and he like clicks on the...man i think she tried even though that tub of lard just swung in and immediately dropped
Charlie: hahaha yup she just fell like a sack of potatoes
Coach: never should be let on another challenge
Charlie: yes she shouldnt

Coach: the challengers team is so bad...
Charlie: so bad, nothing is working for them
Coach: i mean i think the producers must be giving them the plot
Charlie: well thats why they brought on Wildcard Wes and you know the Evan/Veronica hookup will stir things up next week

Coach: i mean if you couldnt see that johnny and kenny were going to keep messing with wes than you need to put on a bike helmet and get on the short bus. What i dont get is this...why would you get all mad if you were evelyn and not try
Charlie: they will keep pushing until he punches one of them in the head
Coach: i mean she went bat shit crazy, it looked like zambrano from the cubs
Charlie: She was best friends with Kelly-Anne haha. Played it up big time, maybe a lesbian hookup I wouldnt put it past her

Charlie: just throwing shit everything, lights, the kitchen sink everything
Coach: i mean a total melt down...booting lamps, kicking shit...i would vote her for female of the week but i dont like the fact that she didnt even try i mean who doesnt want to totally destroy a friend in competition??
Charlie: i think Wes fired her up and she thought she got to pick plus Johnny screwed her in the Island. The best was TJ Lavin called her out, didnt get a "You killed it"
Coach: you know when tj calls you out it was pretty pathetic...i mean i think with all his bmx crashes and rock star lifestyle that he isnt exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer

Charlie: yes, she knows I think now that she fucked up
Coach: i would like to know what tj does all day
Charlie: probably eats bon-bons, has multiple hoes and just doesnt care
Coach: i assume he goes and gets happy ending massages in the local whore house

Charlie: maybe take the BMX for a spin "Man real hard workout today, took the BMX around the yard."
Coach: exactly...i think they should focus more on tj if this thing becomes a blowout which i see happening...sure wes will throw missions but other than brad and dunbar who on that guys team is going to knock someone off?
Charlie: Cohutta that guy has fight
Coach: i forgot about him

Charlie: danny will just talk shit then puss out
Coach: the only good thing about danny would be if melinda and him made a pam anderson and tommy lee style tape. I mean she is smoking
Charlie: yes this would be a great idea. Simmons has always wondered why five of them havent just said screw it and made a sex tape. Also this comes from his Twitter, your thoughts... You're either the bitch or the slut on TV. Never be the slut." Words to live by from Katie Doyle! http://bit.ly/HkOeh Oh My God.

Coach: that is awesome...
Charlie: Also Katie started this magical journey at age 21 she is now 30, oh wow
Coach: i still think the old...i just got engaged and i needed to come here
Charlie: yes and try to win more money
Coach: was the best thing i ever heard
Charlie: that will be blown on bullshit

Coach: speaking of money...i nominate johanna for how ruthless she is
Charlie: cold bitch
Coach: but i think her calling out the i will sell your house and you wont get a cent was the best thing i have heard on a reality show
Charlie: its in the Top 5 easily. She just pulled the rug from underneath him
Coach: i was so proud of her...i mean i just really really really found a new low point in challenge history - the old ill just screw you out of 300, 000 priceless
Charlie: yes she goes "I learned from the best" boooooom

The Ruins Run-Down With Coach (Part 2)

Just scroll down the page for the stuff on the girls and also why we do not have the actual transcript of Coach and I's conversation of it all. Anyways here are the boys.

BOYS
Adam- He may suck worse than Kenny and thats hard to do. I really do not like Adam, I didn't during his Real World (one of the worst ones placed in Paris, no one hooked up and it was boring although provided us with two of the best challenge characters... Ace and CT). Hope he gets punched again.

Brad- He said he wasn't coming back after the Duel and was going to find a job. Although, that had to be Burger King with his spelling skills. The bio has him living at home with Tori haha.

Cohutta- He is in the top five people I would like to hang out with on this show and he is a cool dude. I am sure gets into his head that he can probably hear Wes-Kelly Anne doing it downstairs.

Chet- The Morman! Didn't expect to like him at all but his talks with Tonya plus the comment about 'needing six people to get Shauvon up to the top' was a top five quote. We were all thinking it but that drove it home. Sad he had to leave.

Danny- He earned Coach's D-Bag of the week for just being flat out annoying and acting like everything Wes did was sacrilegious. Who cares really. Its kind of like Step Brothers when Dale rips the fart in the interview.. You loved Danny originally and now he is just annoying. Bring Melinda at least. Coach and I also demand a drug test for Danny as well, ripped out of his mind.

Darrell- When at home, I watch these with my sister and our favorite character for years was Darrell. Also came up with the quote of the weekend, "Cant turn a hoe into a housewife." Also he would have have kicked the living shit out of Wes which is hard for me to say. I hope he wins it all.

Derrick- He got Coach's recommendation for the Man of the Week after he saw Wes going apeshit on everybody. Derrick was cool as a cucumber sipping on a PBR like cocktail hour. Also had the quote of the week "I just had a baby so I am here to win money because its the right thing to do." Yeah logical answer.

Dunbar- Just a big time meathead. He brings really nothing to the table and some girls are slightly attracted to him. Thats about it.

Evan- Everyone seems to hate Evan and I enjoy him thoroughly. This might change if he keeps dawging Wes at every opportunity. We shall see and if you know my roommate Seth tell him he looks like Evan.

Johnny- Mr. Bananas himself. Coach and I discussed how he thought he was God announcing the ten commandments when he thought of that plan for Wes. It was pretty damn obvious how you could beat Wes throwing the mission.

Kenny- Mr. D-Bag himself. I hope he gets punched by whoever, it doesn't even have to be Wes. The less guido, the better the show becomes.

Nick- Once again who cares. He will be out on his ass in a couple of episodes just you watch.

Syrus- Talk about a blast from the past. Coach described Syrus as "Roger Clemens age 43." There has to be some HGH floated around the MTV Offices.

Wes- My main man. I hope he wins the whole thing just to piss a ton of people off and I think it is great that he just doesn't care that people do not like him. Arguably banging the hottest chick and knows that he gets in people's head. Can't wait for more Wes' moments

Next week, I will have an actual interview with Coach and what we discuss about the episode, this will be a weekly thing.

The Ruins Run-Down With Coach (Part 1)

Unfortunately, I closed out my AIM conversation with Coach P. so we dont have the text but I will give you all the characters if you didn't watch plus our thoughts on some key moments. I have been a big fan since about fifth grade, I shit you not it has been going on for that long. Nine years and there are people who are still on there from the first time I watched. I recommend to watch this on MTV on 9pm on Wednesdays but I will break down every character, give you mine and Coach's thoughts. Here we gooooo..

GIRLS
Briana (RW Hollywood)- Honestly we didn't talk about her but really who cares. She will be out of the challenge by week three.

Casey (Fresh Meat)- A girl who has enhanced her breasts and had one of the better quotes "I wish we could all just not have the challenges and hang out all the time like this." That just means you want to party and hook up with as many as guys as humanly possible.

Diem (Fresh Meat)- She is long gone after losing to Drunk Tonya. How does that happen. I always thought she was hot, Coach found her annoying. Didn't talk about her but I know that's his thoughts.

Evie (Fresh Meat)- Strongest women competitor and my pick to win it all. She might be a man like that chick from South Africa, we don't know yet.

Ibis (RR X-Treme)- Very attractive woman, and thats all she wrote on that one.

Johanna (RW Austin)- She dates Kenny now which is an awful decision. I will get more on Kenny later but you gotta expect her around for most of the season creating conflict.

Katie (RR X-Treme)- Oh she got married?! How did that happen? She whored it up with the best of them in prior challenges. I think something will happen with her in terms of hooking up.

Kelly-Anne (RW Sydney)- Favorite moment of the whole episode was when Darrell called her out for what she is. She was upset obviously for getting called out for slutting around but that's not any of our faults.

Kimberly (RW Hollywood)- She was invisible in week one and I hope there is more of her. Could be an underdog pick to win it all.

Sarah (RW Brooklyn)- Fake Kat Von Dee over here. She is useless, no more for her.

Shauvon (RW Sydney)- Fake boobs is all she has going for her. I think she is in the top five in terms of out of shape people on this show and I cannot wait until she pops an implant next week.

Susie (RR Austrailia)- Ms. Goody Too Shoes. She has to be on the pure tour with Chet, so annoying.

Tonya (RW Chicago)- I could write a whole story on Tonya. Probably the most psychotic character in the Challenge's history and she thought that her drinking would end when the challenges started false. Coach also wonder what would happen if CT/Tonya had a kid. Probably the most fucked-up off-spring of all time. Another favorite had to be the Tonya-Evie spat where she would have got owned by the half-man. Also lets not forgot, Chet the Morman trying to convince her not to drink and it makes me wonder if she invited to her bed. Chet wasn't available for comment.

Veronica (RR Semester at Sea)- Sooooo hot. I dont care that she is 40 nor does Coach. He believes there has to be an STD immunity built up in her since she has slept with every alpha male in the house. Well then.

-Charlie.